New Model Army
Page 1
OUR RECENT DEFEAT
HAS TAUGHT US THIS:
ARMOUR
DOES NOTHING
AS WE SEE IN THIS PAINTING
A FULLY ARMOURED WARRIOR, STABBED STRAIGHT THROUGH
WELL
FUCK
THAT
THE BREASTPLATE
BY A TODDLER WITH A STICK
WE'RE TRYING A RADICAL NEW DESIGN
ALL THE NO PROTECTION OF FULL PLATE AT A FRACTION OF THE WEIGHT
- Alt text
- also, we could have used our sandworms better
- Tooltip
- Painting on loan from the orcish war museum, which is a pile of skulls and a painting
Page 2
TITS UP FRONT TO DISTRACT OR OFFEND THE ENEMY
ASS IN THE BACK TO INSPIRE MORALE IN OUR TROOPS
I FIND THAT ASS TOTALLY DEMORALISING
MY OWN BUTT LOOKS LIKE A BOX OF APPLES IN A SACK
THE ARMY'S NOT JUST ABOUT KILLING ANY MORE
WE'VE GOT THE FINEST COSMETIC SORCERERS IN THE KNOWN WORLD
I'M PLEASED AND PROUD TO RECEIVE THE REAR END MY NATION REQUIRES OF ME!
YOUR ASS WILL
YOU'LL GO INTO
BE AN INSPIRATION BATTLE ON STILTS
TO THE WHOLE
COMPANY
SO EVERYONE CAN SEE IT
THEY'LL BE BOUNCING COINS OFF THAT BABY BEFORE NIGHTFALL
THANK YOU CAPTAIN!
IT'S ABOUT LOOKING GOOD WHILE YOU DO IT
- Alt text
- the military use of ass is now widespread
- Tooltip
- Now every assault is a beach assault
Page 3
SKIN
TO
WIN
- Alt text
- If you defeat the Russians with no pants, you still have to face the Russian winter.
- Tooltip
- only a change in standards of beauty can defeat us